Bingo!
by StarCollector88
Summary: Micky plans activity night number three and the guys get caught up in a scheme.


"Okay, Mick let's hear it."

"Hear what, Mike?"

"Don't play dumb with me; you know what I'm talking about!"

"Yeah, playing dumb is Peter's department," Davy chimed in.

"That's right…wait a minute…" Peter hesitated with his agreement.

"I'm sure I don't know what you are referring to Michael and David," Micky continued his banter.

"Michael and David!" the other three said in unison

"So formal," Mike commented, "I guess then if you don't know then everyone is off the hook…"

"You know, Micky, tonight is activity night!" Peter reminded absently.

"Oh, Peter!" Davy complained throwing a pillow in Peter's direction.

"Now don't scold, Peter," Mike stated. "We all know Micky is well aware of what's going on."

"Is that tonight," Micky exclaimed with false surprise. "I just plum forgot!"

"Can it, Micky, and just tell us what nonsense you've concocted this time."

"Wow Mike, so hostile! And to think I planned this activity with you in mind."

"Oh here we go, I don't even want to know," Mike buried his face in his hands.

"Come on, Mike, cheer up! Karaoke was fun!" Peter rallied.

"Ah Peter, you're optimistic and trusting to a fault," Davy commented. "Now I have to know what this Mike inspired activity is. Trip to the rodeo? Wool hat factory? A lobotomy?"

"One could only hope for a lobotomy," Mike deadpanned.

"Alright, this activity has…Action! Excitement! Cash Prizes! Letters! Numbers!"

"Letters and numbers?" Davy questioned.

"The lottery!" Peter answered triumphantly.

"There aren't letters in the lotto!" Mike corrected.

"I'm pretty sure there are some O's and T's in there," Peter said.

Micky shook his head. "No, no, no! Way off!"

"Then what is it?" Davy asked tiring of the guessing game.

"Bingo!" Micky yelled.

"We are going to see a farmer about a dog?" Peter continued his guesses.

"I'm gonna pretend that you didn't say that," Mike slapped his own forehead.

"Why Bingo? We aren't old men at a church social," Davy questioned.

"And why is this event inspired by me?" Mike wondered.

"Because you're old and cantankerous," Davy teased as he dodged Mike's fist.

"No, you've got it all wrong. What is Mike always droning on about?"

"Practicing! Texas! Shotguns!" Peter yelled guesses.

"I mean…yes, but no. Money! This guy is always talking about needing more money," Micky explained.

"Excuse me for wanting us to get by and live," Mike folded his arms irritably.

Micky ignored Mike's pouting and continued, "I found an easy way to make money and have fun."

"It all depends on a person's definition of fun," Davy muttered.

"Doesn't matter if you think it's going to be fun or not because this was Micky's winning choice."

"Thanks, Big Peter; I'll keep that in mind when I win big later."

"Let's get this over with," Mike opened the front door and ushered them all out into the Monkeemobile.

* * *

"Micky could you be any more embarrassing?" Davy hissed.

"What do you mean? I haven't done anything!"

"It's not doing or saying anything! What is all this?" Davy said gesturing towards the set up Micky had on the table.

"What? Don't you know good luck charms when you see them?"

Micky was surrounded by a horseshoe, rabbit's foot, a cardboard St. Patrick's Day decoration, and a huge pile of pennies.

"Can we ever go somewhere and you not make a spectacle of yourself?" Mike rubbed his temples.

"I think Micky is smart. You're all just jealous that you didn't think to do that. I know I am," Peter admitted.

Micky flipped a penny in Peter's direction. "Share the wealth."

The crowd wasn't exactly huge and not small either. It was definitely possible for at least one of them to win something. Like predicted there were quite a few groups of elderly patrons at the community rec center. There were some middle aged couples as well as some loner looking types at tables by themselves. They were most definitely the youngest people there. So much younger that all of them had to have their IDs checked before entering, had to be 18 or older.

"So how does this work anyway? Do we need to buy our way in or what?" Davy asked.

"No this company comes and hands out a booklet to each participant that has 10 Bingo sheets. You play the sheets in order for different rounds."

"If there's no paying then how is there a cash prize?" Mike was skeptical.

"I don't know man! The Bingo people provide it. With each round the stakes get higher. The last round is a $1000!"

"That doesn't sound right to me…"

Mike was interrupted by the Bingo caller. "Gentlemen! Four of you tonight?"

"You betcha!" Micky exclaimed.

"Super! Are you familiar with the rules?"

"Only an idiot would…Say Peter do you know how to play?" Davy inquired.

"Of course I do!" Peter said offended.

"Okay, well here are your markers and cards. Each round will be a bit different so remember to pay attention to the instructions."

"So this is free?" Mike questioned.

"Sure is, sir!"

"How can that…"

The caller cut Mike off as if he didn't hear him. "Good luck!" and then walked over to the next table.

Micky began kissing al his good luck trinkets. Peter dove in to take the yellow Bingo marker before anyone else had a chance. And Davy rolled up his sleeves in preparation. Mike was staring blankly at his card as if trying to decode the mystery about why this didn't cost and money.

"What's with you?" Davy whispered.

"Something doesn't feel right."

"You're paranoid!" Micky inserted himself. "It's like you can't believe that someone wouldn't charge you for something. Count yourself lucky. I mean remember karaoke was free too."

Mike nodded. "I guess you're right." He stretched his arms out in front of himself and cracked his neck. "Alright gang, let me show you how this is done."

"How could you be better at a game of luck than someone else?" Davy challenged.

"No one can be better than me because I have all the good luck charms."

"Don't forget to mark all your free spaces!" Peter said with the excitement bubbling in his voice.

"Alright everyone! Thank you for joining us for Bingo tonight. We do this all weekend long every other weekend," the caller announced. "The first five rounds will be normal five in a row bingo, horizontally, diagonally, or vertically. Those five rounds will be for a $100 each."

"Wow, seems generous," Mike commented.

"We are starting this game off with O-71!"

"I've got that one!" Peter marked the space enthusiastically.

"Well, what do you know," Davy said marking his own.

Micky stared down at his sheet. "No worries, there are plenty more chances."

"I-19!"

Mike plopped his marker in the designated spot.

"G-56!"

Peter, Mike, and Davy all marked as Micky's eyes frantically searched his own paper.

"What's the matter, Micky? No luck?" Davy pestered.

"I'll get one," Micky tried keeping his cool. "Don't worry there's going to be more numbers called."

"B-8!"

"Bingo!" shouted one of the men at the single tables in the back.

Micky whipped his head around to watch the man approach the podium to get his card checked. "That wasn't even five numbers!"

"Free space," Peter corrected.

"I bet Micky didn't even get that one," Davy laughed.

"Folks looks like we had a winner right out of the gate. Congratulations, sir!" the caller announced. "Alright, next card starting a new round with the same rules."

Micky pulled off his non-marked Bingo sheet and tossed it across the table hitting Davy in the face. "This round is mine. I can feel it!"

"N-33!"

"Son of a-Ow"

Mike kicked Micky under the table. "Cool it, man."

The round continued with far more numbers being called out than the first. Micky still had no marks on his page except for the free space. And Peter's sheet had a possibility of getting a Bingo in three different spots.

"Wow, Peter, you're so close," Mike remarked.

Peter's eyes brightened as he waited for the next number.

"O-65!"

"Bingo!" yelled a middle-aged woman that was there with her husband.

Peter's face fell as he tore off the paper to reveal his new clean sheet.

"It's okay, Shotgun. You'll get 'em next time."

"Yeah, at least you're faring better than Micky," Davy chuckled.

Micky looked as though he was going to jump over the table and clock Davy. The only thing holding him back was not wanting to disturb his relics. "I can no longer hear your chatter; I'm in the zone now. I was letting you get to me before and now I can fully concentrate my energy on winning."

"Yeah, because _that's_ what was getting in his way," Davy whispered to Mike who snickered.

"New round same rules," the caller regrouped. "I-25!"

"Bingo!" Micky screamed.

The entire room turned to look at the drummer. Mike sunk down in his seat and buried his face in his hands. Davy turned bright red. And Peter looked puzzled at Micky's Bingo card.

Micky realized his faux pas. "Sorry everyone! That was my first one all night. Carry on!"

That was in fact the only number Micky got for the next three rounds. Peter came close every single card. Mike and Davy were doing well in luck. There were still no winners at the table though after round five. Halfway through and no victory. Micky was practically tearing his Bingo marker in half with anger and Peter was looking defeated again after being close to a bingo again.

"Cheer up, Mate," Davy put his arm around Peter. "We didn't want that $100 anyway. We want the bigger prizes."

Peter perked up. "You're right! Maybe all four of us will win a big prize."

"I wouldn't count on Disastrous Dolenz over there," Mike commented pointing at Micky who had mostly destroyed his lucky shrine.

"Okay folks, new round different rules. This time we are doing four corners. That is only the four corners of your bingo card, only Bs and Os. Prize is $200!"

"Why is this one considered harder? It's less numbers," Davy asked.

"Less numbers that you actually need, so you're only waiting for four numbers instead of having multiple possibilities to win," Peter explained.

The other three stared at him blankly. "What? My father is an economics professor."

"That poses more questions than it answers," Davy said.

"B-10!"

"Right off the bat!" Micky said excitedly.

"O-74!"

"Two out of two!"

"B-5!"

Micky's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Guys…I'm one away!"

"What do you need?" Peter asked peering over at Micky's card.

"I need O-72 and then that money is mine!" Micky rubbed his hands together menacingly.

"B-6!"

"I mean they have to stretch it out a bit, keep it interesting," Micky adjusted in his seat.

"O-61!"

"Bingo!" yelled another excited loner in the room.

"God bless America!" Micky shouted angrily.

Peter patted Micky's back. "It's okay, man, I know how you feel. Get so close to sweet victory and then the rug is pulled out from under you."

"Peter, the way his luck has been he's had the whole floor pulled out from under him," Mike smiled.

"I thought you all said that this round was going to take longer," Davy said.

"I guess that guy had the same luck as Micky…only slightly better," Peter answered.

"Congratulations to our friend Mr. Turner here," the caller clapped. "Alright prize money moves up another $200, we are now at $400 people. Now you need to make a cross on your sheet. Meaning the middle rows vertically and horizontally must be full. You'll need all your Ns."

"See a cross," Peter commented, "now God is on our side."

"I've seen some of the stuff you all do and I'm pretty sure that God is disappointed in all of us," Mike joked.

"He's right, Peter. You made a deal with the devil," Micky commented.

"N-38!"

"Off to the races," Davy said sharply marking his card.

The round was progressing much like the others. It was taking a good deal of time since everyone needed multiple Ns and all the other numbers were being called as well. The four bandmates seemed to be doing well this round. There crosses were all nearly complete give or take one to two spaces. Mike was beginning to loosen up and began excitedly yelling what he needed.

"Give me the chicken legs!" Mike shouted.

"What are you talking about?" Peter looked confused.

"You know," Mike said putting up two fingers and bending them slightly.

"No, I'm positive I have no clue what you're talking about."

"It's B-11," Davy explained. "Legs 11 is a British term for it, but leave it to the South to add poultry to it."

"B-11!"

"Ask and you shall receive," Mike hooted.

"Okay, even I'm a little embarrassed by him," Micky admitted.

"Hey this is the closest I've gotten! I only need N-32," Mike bounced in excitement.

"N-36!"

"Bingo!" another person shouted.

Mike's mood deflated and he turned the page of his booklet.

"Welcome to the club," Micky nodded over to him. "We should get jackets."

Mike leaned over and knocked down Micky's stack of pennies that he hadn't destroyed himself.

"Hey!"

Rounds eight and nine were the outside square of the card and an X pattern respectively. These rounds played out much like the others. Some of the quartet would get one away from a win and fail miserably. Someone else in the room would yell 'Bingo!' and Peter's mood would shrink, Micky would become more agitated, Mike would look at his card in disbelief, and Davy was on to the next one seemingly not even fazed by the lack of victory.

"Hey, that guy already won!" Peter pouted.

"Man, nine rounds and not even one W," Micky rested his head on his hand.

"There's no W in Bingo…Maybe that's why we haven't won," Peter contemplated.

"Unbelievable," Davy shook his head.

"Chins up fellas," Mike rallied. "This is the last round and the pot is bigger than ever. We need to win this one!"

"Positive vibes!" Peter added.

Micky straightened out all his charms. "Ready to rock and roll!"

"Yay," Davy said unenthusiastically as he spun his finger in the air.

"Last round of the evening worth $1000 cash prize!" the caller announced. "Now this round is black out, your entire card must be full to win."

"This is going to take forever," Davy put his forehead against the table.

Mike lifted his head up by the hair. "Get up! Don't miss any numbers!"

"Unlucky B-13!"

The guys filled their cards silently as if in laser focus. The numbers rolled on and the Bingo cards around the table became increasingly full.

"Bingo!" Peter whispered yelled.

"What?" Mike craned his neck to look over.

"Well, if we were still doing four corners," Peter said triumphantly.

"O-69!"

"More commonly known as Dinner for Two," Micky joked.

"That's disgusting," Davy made a face.

"Don't act like you've never done that, Romeo," Micky teased.

"Quiet you guys! Pay attention!" Mike scolded and looked over at all their cards. "Seems as though we all need one from each letter to win."

"G-44!"

"It wasn't that one," Peter sighed.

"I-26!"

"Or that one," Peter continued.

"We don't need the dialogue, Peter," Davy rolled his eyes.

"Of course we do or how would the reader know what my card looks like?"

"O-70!"

The foursome looked at their cards making no marks.

"B-1!"

"BBBBBBBIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOO!" came a long, loud screech form the middle of the room. An overexcited woman bounced up to the stage to get her card checked.

"Maybe she miss marked or something," Peter said looking on with hopefulness.

"Our big winner tonight is Ms. Cage!" the caller announced.

"Or not," Peter crumpled up his last card.

"Good luck charms my foot!" Micky cried sweeping his things into the bag he brought them in.

"At least we can be happy that Micky only has two nights left to plan. Right, Mike?" Davy tried to lighten the mood.

Mike was staring at his bingo card as well as making darting glances towards Davy and Micky's discarded cards.

"Mike?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, yeah, sure, sure," Mike answered without even looking up.

The caller came around to the table to pick up the markers. "Better luck next time, gents! I need all your used cards."

He had a trash can with him and began picking up the discarded bingo sheets.

"Why do you _need _them?" Mike asked suspiciously.

"Well, I don't need them…I need to…clean up," he stammered.

Mike took the opportunity when the caller was picking up a sheet dropped on the floor to pocket his entire booklet and a few of the others' sheets. Something seemed amiss and he was going to find out what it was.

* * *

"That was a bust!" Micky exclaimed plopping down on the couch.

"I had a good time hanging out with you guys though," Peter tried to cheer Micky up.

"Micky, if I were you I would just be glad that I got any numbers at all," Davy ducked nearly missing a pillow that was tossed at his head. "Don't get hostile with me because you lost."

Mike was sitting at the kitchen table with the stolen Bingo sheets all spread out in front of him. The other three noticed his concentration and approached silently. They stared at him from a distance.

"Once the Nez returns to its lair, it contemplates the errors of its ways, uncertain of how he could be defeated so effortlessly," Micky made his hands into a camera lens and spoke as though he was doing a nature documentary.

"Cool it, Mick! I'm trying to think!" Mike retorted.

"Think about what?" Peter asked.

"I find it hard to believe with that few people and us making up a quarter of the room attendance that we couldn't win one round. And that several people one multiple rounds!"

"Sometimes those are the breaks," Davy sat in the chair next to him a picked up a few sheets.

"Luck of the draw," Micky chimed in.

"Luck ain't got nothing to do with it," Mike answered.

"What do you mean?" Davy inquired.

"I mean that cheatin' doesn't require luck."

"What cheating? How could all those people cheat at Bingo? They get the cards their given just like we did," Micky was puzzled.

"That's exactly it," Mike explained. "Specific cards are given to specific people. The games were rigged."

"How would you possibly know that? You're being a sore loser. I expected this from me, but not you," Micky said shaking his head disapprovingly.

"Just look at all these cards that were close to bingos and didn't get one. What do they have in common?"

"That they lost," Peter offered.

"Peter, stop talking you'll hurt yourself," Micky patted his back.

Davy examined several cards. "All the numbers end in 2."

"Yes! Does anyone remember any numbers being called ending in 2?"

"How? I can't remember what my name is half the time," Micky joked.

"And look at all our black out pages. The ones we had left in each row all ended in 2. Also the squares for any patterns we were supposed to have, like the cross and corners all contain twos! That can't be a coincidence."

"So what are you suggesting?" Davy wondered.

"I think the reason they are able to provide free Bingo with cash prizes every week is to rig the game so that the people winning are part of a scam. They get special cards with no numbers ending in two that allows them to win and then the company never has to pay anyone out."

"What would be the point of doing that?" Peter asked.

"I'm sure the company gets paid to do the Bingo nights and only profits from the games without any financial loss."

"That's diabolical," Micky commented. "How come I didn't come up with this brilliant idea? I could've called it 'Words'."

"Why 'Words'?" Davy asked.

"Because we don't have a song called 'Numbers'."

Davy rolled his eyes. "So what does this all mean, Mike?"

"It means they've been hustling people all this time."

"And what are we going to do about it?" Peter questioned.

"I've got a plan," Mike replied.

* * *

"Pardon me, young man."

Three elderly men with canes walked into the rec center the following evening.

"Where is Myrtle?" one asked.

Another spryer member reached his hand out the door and dragged in an elderly woman.

"I don't know how I get meself into these messes. Why do I have to be a woman?," a deep British accent stated.

"Because you're so beautiful," Micky said straightening out Davy's bonnet as Davy shooed him away.

"Quiet! Do you want our cover blown?"

Mike had decided the best plan to catch these Bingo scammers in the act was to infiltrate and sabotage the operation. They didn't want to be caught though so they had to dress up in disguises. Old people seemed to be the best option considering the environment. No one would suspect old people to be tampering with the game as well as it gave a lot of excuses for the things that they would be doing. Older people would be able to get away with things more seamlessly than some long haired weirdos.

They had decided split up with Micky and Davy sitting at a table near the front and Mike and Peter sitting in the back.

Micky loving took Davy's arm in his own. "After you my dear."

Davy took his purse full of supplies and whacked Micky with it. "Don't get fresh with me, Eustace."

The Bingo caller from the day before approached Peter and Mike's table. "Welcome to Bingo, gentlemen. Have you been here before? You look familiar?"

"What?" Mike asked loudly putting his hand up to his ear.

"He said have you been here before?" Peter practically yelled across the table.

"No, I didn't hear a knock on the door."

"No Jasper! Have we been here before?" Peter repeated.

"No, I don't save apple cores!"

"Never mind," the caller commented louder this time. "I assume you know the rules?"

"Of course we do!" Peter said gesturing his hands wildly and knocking all the Bingo booklets on the opposite side of the table. Peter went down to pick them up and instead picked up a stack of regular booklets the quartet had found at a hobby store and handed them to the caller. These booklets would make it possible for there not to be twos in every row giving other patrons a chance to win. "Sorry about that young fella. I get really excited about my Bingo."

The caller looked a bit annoyed. "Good luck," he uttered and walked away.

Peter kicked the old cards under the table that was covered with a table cloth so the cards would go unnoticed. He and Mike leaned in and shook hands vigorously, hitting their noses in the process. Mike looked around and could tell the strategically planted Bingo 'winners' around the room. The 'winners' were the same ones from the night before with disguises on. Mike noted that they weren't doing a particularly good job hiding their scheme. Maybe the people just didn't get many people playing multiple days in a row.

The Bingo caller made his announcement about prizes and bingo possibilities as he had the day before. The guys all marked their cards through the first round. Since this was now a fair and honest game given the new cards, it was difficult to know if the winner would be a planted one or a genuine winner. When Bingo was called out it was obviously from one of the plants. This was good because the people wouldn't get suspicious right away giving the opportunity for phase two of the plan.

The second round was a short one. Only a few numbers were called before a woman in a large group of people called an ecstatic "Bingo!". The woman was not a planted 'winner'. There was a visible look of concern on the caller's face as the woman came up to collect her money. Other 'winners' looked at each other. Mike assumed that everyone involved thought it was a fluke and the woman had gotten one of the special cards, which could back fire on them again and there was nothing that could be done about that.

"Congratulations," the flustered caller announced. "Th-three more rounds of regular Bingo."

The next round was much like the first with a planted 'winner' taking the victory. This gave noticeable relief to the caller's face. It was now time for phase two of the operation before anyone became suspicious. Peter stood up before the first number was called and walked two paces towards the door where he promptly fell down with a loud crash.

Mike hobbled over and started loudly yelling on the way. "Melvin! Are you hurt? Is anyone a doctor?"

The small group of people in the room ran to help. The Bingo caller rolled his eyes and went to tend to Peter. While everyone was preoccupied, Davy took his bag up to the Bingo cage and poured in all the numbers ending in two that were missing. When he was finished he nodded in Mike's direction and Mike nudged Peter with his cane. Peter sat up as if nothing happened.

"What are we all standing around for? Let's Bingo!"

"Sir, are you sure you're alright to continue?" the caller tried to feign concern which was not coming off sincere.

"No, he doesn't want to dance with you, weirdo!" Mike exclaimed leading Peter back over to their table.

Everyone went back to their seats and was ready for the next round.

"This is probably the most exciting Bingo events that this guy has ever seen," Micky whispered to Davy who had to stifle laughter.

"Okay, same rules apply. Regular Bingo with horizontal, diagonal, or vertical. First number is…" the caller's face fell. "…I-22?"

"I have that one!" Micky shouted in his old man voice.

"G-52?" the caller was noticeably becoming nervous and began cranking the Bingo cage around. "Just gonna mix these up a bit here."

The caller continued choosing numbers, some ended in two and others didn't. He began sweating with his eyes darting around the room to his associates. They were shaking their heads also dumbfounded as to what had happened to their previously perfectly executed plan.

"B-12!"

"Bingo!" Micky called out.

He wobbled up to the podium to collect his winnings. The caller stood frozen in place. There was a look of terror in his eyes and was not looking in Micky's direction.

"Where's my prize?" Micky pressed with fake crankiness.

The caller stood for a few moments before answering. He was caught and there was no reasonable explanation no matter how hard he tried to find one in his mind.

"I don't have it!" the caller screamed. "I don't bring any money, because no one is actually supposed to win this!"

The caller clamped his mouth closed after revealing his scheme.

"What do you mean no one is supposed to win?" Davy continued to badger.

"Yes, what do you mean?" asked a woman who came from around the corner wearing a name tag.

The Bingo caller began to stumble through words without actually getting anything out in the process. The other patrons besides the planted people looked confused at the sudden turn of events.

The woman approached the caller's microphone. "Everyone, I am Helen the manager of the rec center. I regret to inform you that the remainder of Bingo will be cancelled for tonight due to some unforeseen circumstances." She glared at the caller and dragged him by the sleeve towards her office.

After the caller and manager exited, the planted 'winners' began gathering their things and escaping out the doors.

"Look at 'em run, those cowards," Mike yelled loud enough for some of them to hear him.

Peter began pulling off pieces of his disguise, which also caused the other patrons to look on in confusion. "Well that wraps that up."

"No it doesn't!" Micky exclaimed. "I didn't get my prize!"

"You did get a prize," Mike responded, "swift social justice."

"I can't buy brilliant idea supplies with that!"

"Doesn't it make you feel good to bring down criminals?" Peter asked.

"I don't even get a reward for that!"

"That makes me wonder; can't we ever do something without it turning into some sort of fiasco?" Davy added as they headed for the door.

"Not when Micky's in charge," Peter pointed out playfully nudging a pouty Micky.

"Face it, we are the heroes no one ever knew they needed," Mike answered.


End file.
